#7: Fear of conflict — It’s hard to think of a more universal cause of anxiety, frustration, and stress than overthinking. Whether it’s worry about the future, rumination about the past, or hypercriticism of other people, our ability to think critically is a double-edged sword we’d all do well to be more careful with. But…

#3: Hypercriticism — A coping strategy is a short-term solution to emotional suffering: You feel anxious, so you do a deep breathing exercise. You feel angry, so you count to 10 before acting. You feel insecure, so you repeat a positive affirmation. While there’s a time and place for coping strategies, most people…

#1: Running away from your emotions — Emotional resilience is the ability to tolerate difficult emotions while still acting on your values. For example: Staying attentive and listening carefully to your partner’s criticism despite feeling hurt and wanting to criticize them back. Sticking to your commitment to avoid desserts for a month despite feeling incredibly stressed and…

#1: Acknowledge your emotions early — Here’s a controversial idea that I believe deeply to be true… Most of our struggles in life come from not managing our emotions well. A few quick examples: Do we struggle to communicate with our spouse or partner because we lack communication skills — or is it that big emotions…

#3: Less but better — When people think about discipline, the term willpower usually comes to mind — pushing yourself to work hard or stay focused. But if you actually observe highly disciplined people closely, you’ll notice something striking… Disciplined people don’t rely on willpower. Sure, they make use of it from time to time…

#2: Firm boundaries — In my work as a psychologist, I’ve observed that unhappy couples tend to have a lot of shared bad habits… For example: When one partner gets anxious, the other gets overly-critical or condescending. Maybe each party tends to get avoidant and guarded when they’re stressed, triggering the other to worry…

#1: Constant busyness — In my work as a psychologist, I’ve found that one simple mistake is at the heart of nearly every emotional struggle from anxiety and panic to depression and procrastination… Just because an emotion feels bad doesn’t mean it is bad. When you believe painful emotions are bad or dangerous, you…

#1: They listen to their emotions—but rarely trust them — Most of us grow up with a pretty confused attitude toward our emotions, especially the difficult ones. We tend to simply avoid anything that feels bad and desperately hold onto anything that feels good. But if you’ve ever tried dieting, saving money, having a difficult conversation, studying for a test…

#1: Getting lost in your own thoughts — As a psychologist, I hear every day about the emotional problems and challenges people struggle with — from depression and anxiety to relationship issues and low self-esteem. But contrary to what you might imagine, people who come to therapy aren’t just full of problems. They’re actually overflowing with examples of…