#2: When they lead to aggression

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People are often shocked to hear a psychologist tell them that it’s okay to ignore their emotions.

This is partly reactionary…

We see how problematic it can be to never acknowledge emotions — maybe because you were raised by someone who never did, for example. …

#1: Focus on the person, not the problem

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The most important skill in any relationship is your ability to be a good listener.

But even though the idea of being a good listener is so well-known as to be cliche, most of us are still terrible at it. …

A guide to building confidence that lasts

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I’m sure you’ve heard the expression face your fears.

Psychologically speaking, it’s pretty good advice:

  • While avoiding your fears feels better in the moment, it kills your confidence in the long run — so your fears tend to grow over time leading you to be more and more afraid.
  • On…

#7: They‘re willing to set healthy boundaries

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It’s a common misconception that some people are simply wired to be emotionally unstable while others just lucked out with a more balanced temperament from birth.

Obviously, there are some relatively fixed biological factors that influence how emotional we tend to feel. …

Let these 3 bad habits go and become more resilient

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Emotional resilience is the ability to tolerate difficult emotions while still acting on your values.

For example:

  • Staying attentive and listening carefully to your partner’s criticism despite feeling hurt and wanting to criticize them back.
  • Sticking to your commitment to avoid desserts for a month despite feeling incredibly stressed and…

Want to be more self-aware? Start building these habits

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Here’s the thing:

Self-awareness isn’t something you’re born into. It’s something you build through practice.

And the best way to practice being more self-aware is to build habits that encourage it.

Here are four habits of highly self-aware people that you can use to become more self-aware yourself.

1. They’re curious about their own mind

Self-aware people…

#2: Let go of your expectations

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Most people assume that the solution to their emotional struggles is to do more:

  • I’m feeling anxious, so I need to do some kind of coping skill like deep breathing or mindfulness meditation to calm myself down.
  • I’m feeling angry at the memory of the abuse I suffered as a…

#1: They go to bed when they’re sleepy, not tired

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Ironically, most great sleepers don’t try very hard to sleep: They don’t read lots of articles about sleep hygiene or constantly experiment with new evening routines or even talk all that much about their sleep. It’s just something that sort of happens.

Of course, this is incredibly annoying if you’re…

Let them go and your natural confidence will rise

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Here’s how most people think about their lack of confidence:

  • I’d be more confident if I hadn’t inherited my father’s indecisiveness…
  • If only I didn’t have such a neurotic personality, then I could be more confident…
  • If my mother had really loved me then I’d feel more confident and secure…

#5 Depending on other people to feel good about yourself

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Emotional fragility is the tendency to easily become overwhelmed by difficult emotions. It’s the opposite of resilience.

For example:

  • A relatively small bout of worry in the morning turns into a whole day of anxiety, stress, and panic.
  • A tiny piece of unintended criticism spirals into hours of self-doubt and…

Nick Wignall

Psychologist and blogger. I help people use psychology for meaningful personal growth: https://nickwignall.com

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