Feeling Insecure In Your Relationship? Here Are 4 Ways to Break the Cycle

#2: Don’t dwell on past relationship mistakes

Nick Wignall
7 min readJun 3


Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

As a psychologist, I’ve heard my fair share of stories from people who want to stop feeling insecure in a relationship.

Unfortunately, many people get discouraged about ever getting over their relationship insecurities because it’s starting to become a pattern. So they assume it must be some core part of their personality that’s causing the trouble.

But here’s the thing:

Feeling insecure is about your habits, not your personality.

In the rest of this article, I’ll walk you through some of the most common habits you can either build (or break) that will help you to stop feeling insecure in your relationships and become confident and at peace.

1. Stop worrying about the future of the relationship

In my experience, the single biggest and most common reason for feeling insecure in a relationship is this:

You’ll never be truly present if you’re always worrying about the future.

No relationship can thrive and grow if both people aren’t genuinely present and attentive to how the relationship is going in the moment.

Trouble is it’s really hard to be genuinely present and available for what’s going on in the moment if your mind habitually is lost in worries about the future.

For example:

Let’s say you need to have a tough conversation with your partner about taking the next step in your relationship.

But as soon as you start thinking about that conversation, you get lost in worries about what might happen if the relationship doesn’t improve.

As a result, you get hit with tons of anxiety and stress, which leads to one of two outcomes, neither of which are good for your confidence in the relationship:

  1. You avoid that important conversation altogether because it causes you so much anxiety and stress.
  2. You have the conversation, but you’re so anxious during the conversation (because of…



Nick Wignall

Psychologist and writer sharing practical advice for emotional health and well-being: https://thefriendlymind.com