#2: Rumination — Why am I so emotional? has to be one of the most frequently asked questions I hear as a psychologist. But it’s a tricky question to answer, primarily for two reasons: Many different factors affect how we feel emotionally. Everything from your genetics and attachment style to what you ate…

#9: Unrealistic expectations — From financial insecurities to physical abuse, there are all sorts of reasons romantic relationships don’t work out. But if you find yourself stuck in a pattern of relationships that don’t last, there may be some subtle psychological reasons why. Over the years working as a psychologist, I’ve observed 10 common…

#3: Surround yourself with productive people — Becoming more productive isn’t about more productivity hacks or yet another time management framework. In fact, those things are usually distractions from adressing the real issues with productivity. Because here’s what most people trying to be more productive miss: True productivity is about habits, not hacks. In particular, it’s your…

#3: You’re afraid to be assertive — Low self-esteem is one of the most common emotional health issues people face. Unfortunately, many of the tips and tricks you hear about for improving your self-esteem either aren’t really helpful or even make things worse. For example, simply rehearsing unrealistically positive statements about yourself or the future — a…

#4: “In gentleness, strength” — Anxiety is like a snowball that quickly becomes an avalanche: If you don’t deal with it when it’s small, it will consume you. This means the key to managing anxiety is to deal with it as soon as it pops into mind and is still manageable — before it spirals…

#2: Reassurance-seeking — Most people think of emotional insecurity as a personality trait — something you’re born with that dooms you to a life of chronic anxiety and low self-esteem. And while it can certainly feel that way to people who have been insecure most of their lives, the real reason we feel…

#1: Talk about your emotions plainly — Most people aren’t very good at managing difficult emotions because they don’t know much about their emotions and how they work… They procrastinate constantly because they don’t realize they’re really avoiding their own anxiety, not their work. They argue incessantly with their spouse because they don’t realize being critical is…

2: You catastrophize the future — Here’s how most people think about their lack of confidence: I’d be more confident if I hadn’t inherited my father’s indecisiveness… If only I didn’t have such a neurotic personality, then I could be more confident… If my mother had really loved me then I’d feel more confident and secure…

#3: Using other people to feel good — Emotionally mature people have a healthy relationship with their emotions, which comes from building healthy habits of mind. On the other hand, when you have unhealthy mental habits, it tends to produce emotional immaturity. Which is a problem because… Emotional immaturity is a recipe for insecurity, low confidence, poor relationships…