We all want to be happy, right?
We’re constantly looking for the next big idea, the next big promotion, or the next new person in our life who is going to make us happier.
But for thousands of years, wisdom traditions across the world have been telling us that happiness comes from within ourselves, not outside. In other words…
Happiness comes from how we think about the world, not the world itself.
As a psychologist, I see evidence of this every day in my work with clients. …
Everybody thinks communication is the key to healthy relationships. But I’m not so sure…
Obviously, communication is important in any relationship. But here’s the thing many people don’t realize:
Poor communication is often a result of relationship problems, but rarely the cause.
Over the years working as a psychologist and seeing just about every shape and size of relationships problem, there’s something much more fundamental that causes relationships to fall apart: Unhealthy boundaries
Unhealthy boundaries mean there’s an imbalance in the mixture of intimacy and independence in a given relationship.
Most people use one of two strategies to cope with painful emotions:
Everybody wants to know what they can do to be happier…
And while all these things have their place, no doubt, what if this quest for more to make us happy is the wrong direction?
What if happiness is about what you should do less of, not more of?
The longer I work as a psychologist, the more I realize the key to finding happiness is often less, not more. …
Do you often feel inadequate, like you’re not good enough or unworthy?
Whatever inadequacy looks like for you, it’s a painful thing to live with.
But here’s what most people don’t realize about inadequacy:
Whatever caused your inadequacy initially, it’s usually your habits that are maintaining it.
Anything from early life trauma to unhelpful comparisons can cause you to feel inadequate…
A common misconception about confidence is that it’s this general personality trait that makes someone bold and unafraid in any situation.
Confidence is actually very situation-specific.
Someone who is socially confident might look bold and fearless at a cocktail party schmoozing with new people; but put them in front of an Excel spreadsheet and they turn into an insecure bundle of nerves and second-guessing. Confidence, in other words, can take many different forms.
One of the most important forms of confidence that people rarely talk about is emotional confidence, the ability to acknowledge and accept your emotions without…
I’ve been reading a lot of Winnie-the-Pooh with my daughters lately. So I must have been primed to take notice when I saw someone tweet about a book called The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff.
Here’s how the author describes his intention for the book:
To write a book that explained the principles of Taoism through Winnie-the-Pooh, and explained Winnie-the-Pooh through principles of Taoism.
In addition to introducing me to some of the core tenets of Taoism, this book really made me think about how much of my own approach to mental health and well-being as a therapist aligns…
A lot of people think discipline is about what you do:
I’d like to suggest an alternative:
The best way to be more disciplined is to do less, not more.
If you’re doing something hard, trying to apply even more effort is likely to fail because you’re already tired and spent. What if you took a totally different approach…
What if you looked for things that were interfering with your ability to be more disciplined and focused on removing those?
If you’ve struggled for a long time to be more…
It’s hard to think of a more universal cause of anxiety, frustration, and stress than overthinking.
Whether it’s worry about the future, rumination about the past, or hypercriticism of other people, our ability to think critically is a double-edged sword we’d all do well to be more careful with.
But before you start trying to stop overthinking so much, it can be useful to understand why you tend to overthink in the first place.
Over the years working as a psychologist, I see the following seven reasons show up over and over again among people who struggle with overthinking.
If you’re the kind of person who likes to think of themselves as calm, cool, and collected, there’s a good chance you’re angrier than you realize (or want to admit).
Because anger isn’t a very socially acceptable emotion, many people end up masking it. And sometimes they’ve been masking their anger for so long — and are so good at it — they don’t even realize they’re angry anymore.
But here’s the problem:
No matter how good you are at hiding your anger, it will come out one way or the other.
As a psychologist, I regularly work with people…