Let them go and your natural confidence will rise

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Here’s how most people think about their lack of confidence:

  • I’d be more confident if I hadn’t inherited my father’s indecisiveness…
  • If only I didn’t have such a neurotic personality, then I could be more confident…
  • If my mother had really loved me then I’d feel more confident and secure in my relationships…

Fortunately, they’re wrong.

Of course, everything from genetics to childhood experience has someinfluence on how confident you feel (or don’t). But by far the biggest influence on confidence is the one everyone seems to miss…

It’s your habits in the present, not the events of your past…


#5 Depending on other people to feel good about yourself

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Emotional fragility is the tendency to easily become overwhelmed by difficult emotions. It’s the opposite of resilience.

For example:

  • A relatively small bout of worry in the morning turns into a whole day of anxiety, stress, and panic.
  • A tiny piece of unintended criticism spirals into hours of self-doubt and catastrophizing.
  • A minor slight against you leads to days of angry rumination and venting.

And even though many things can contribute to emotional fragility, it’s often subtle habits that maintain it.

The following 7 habits are frequently indicators of emotional fragility. But if you can learn to identify them and…


Let them go and peace of mind will follow

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We all get anxious from time to time. But living with chronic anxiety is another thing entirely…

  • Constantly worrying about the future and imagining the worst
  • Never being fully present in conversations because you’re always worried about what the other person is thinking of you
  • Feeling tense, on-edge, and exhausted all the time
  • Dreading that your next panic attack is just around the corner
  • Constantly second-guessing yourself, seemingly unable to make even small decisions confidently

While there are obviously many things that lead us to feel anxious, here’s the key insight most people miss:

Whatever caused your anxiety in the…


#5: Stop thinking so much about self-worth

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If you struggle with low self-worth and haven’t found anything that seems to help long-term, some of these ideas might be useful:

1. Live your life as if you had no willpower

One of the biggest sources of low-self worth is habitually breaking promises to ourselves:

  • You tell yourself you’re going to work out today after work. But as soon as you get home, you hit the couch instead of the gym.
  • You tell yourself you’re going to be a better listener the next time your spouse talks about stress at work. But you find yourself “checked out” in your very next conversation with them.
  • You tell yourself just one…


Let them go and happiness will find you

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Self-talk is the voice in your head when you talk to yourself — sort of like your inner narrator telling the story of your life.

Now, most of the time our self-talk is pretty ordinary and unremarkable:

  • I think I’ll stop by the store and get some ice-cream on my way home.
  • That’s a nice-looking car.
  • I wonder if it’s going to rain…

But sometimes our self-talk gets kind of negative — or even downright mean:

  • I suck at ping-ping pong. I don’t know why I keep playing…
  • That meeting was awful. …


#1: Listen to your emotions but don’t trust them

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What makes someone emotionally stable?

Of course, we all experience the occasional mood swing from time to time. But some people seem to respond to the ups and downs of bad moods and painful emotions with far more confidence and resilience.

Over the years working as a psychologist, I’ve noticed a handful of common traits among people who seem especially good at managing difficult moods and emotions. And while there are, of course, many reasons for emotional instability, anyone can become a little more emotionally stable by working to cultivate these four habits.

1. They’re skeptical of their emotions

One of the biggest reasons people get…


Once you see them, you can’t unsee them

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My favorite definition of self-esteem comes from Naval Ravikant:

Self-esteem is just your reputation with yourself.

Recognizing the signs of low self-esteem is important for at least two reasons:

  1. If you struggle with low self-esteem yourself, understanding these signs can be useful in figuring out which of your habits or tendencies is most contributing to your self-esteem remaining low. Then, you can use these as a blueprint for improving it.
  2. It’s also important to know how to identify signs of low self-esteem in others. …


Build them and watch your emotional strength grow

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Most people hear the term emotionally strong and assume that it means the ability to ignore your emotions or not feel them. But that’s dead wrong…

Emotional strength isn’t about getting rid of difficult feelings — it means you know how to respond to them in a healthy way.

For example:

  • Being emotionally strong in the face of anxiety means learning to accept your anxious thoughts and feelings rather than constantly running away from them.
  • Being emotionally strong when you’re grieving means being willing to feel your sadness and accept your loss instead of distracting yourself from it.
  • Being emotionally…


It’s about your habits, not your personality

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As a psychologist, I’ve heard my fair share of stories from people who want to stop feeling insecure in a relationship.

Unfortunately, many people get discouraged about ever getting over their relationship insecurities because it’s starting to become a pattern. So they assume it must be some core part of their personality that’s causing the trouble.

But here’s the thing:

Feeling insecure is about your habits, not your personality.

In the rest of this article, I’ll walk you through some of the most common habits you can either build (or break) that will help you to stop feeling insecure in…


Cultivate them and peace of mind will follow

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Why do some people always seem so calm and zen-like while the rest of us seem to be constantly frantic, stressed, and overwhelmed?

Of course, everything from your current life stressors to your genetics probably plays some role in how calm or crazy you feel on a regular basis. But here’s the thing a lot of people don’t realize:

You can create a calmer mind by building better habits.

Whether through deliberate planning or dumb luck, consistently calm people have cultivated habits that help to keep them feeling calm even when things get stressful and chaotic.

If you want to…

Nick Wignall

Psychologist and blogger. I help people use psychology for meaningful personal growth: https://nickwignall.com

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